The Return

20 August 2017

Pray up to the ceiling that we never lose this feeling
— CVBZ, Vicodin

I went to China and tentatively accepted a job offer. One that, despite no wrongdoing on my part, did not align with my long term goals.

That’s why I’m back in the US today, having taken 5 flights over the past 5 weeks going from Shanghai to San Francisco to Connecticut and finally to New York City.

I’m the same me I was before. I have the same goals, the same personality, and the same drive. Having now successfully completed the first part of my long term plan — working in China for the first time — I know that I’ll go back, I just don’t know when.

This past year has been the biggest for me in terms of decisions, and I felt that I’ve grown more in the past 3 months than in the last 20 years. I feel more conservative in my decisions, no longer choosing to speed while driving and preferring to save rather than spend. I’m thinking about the longterm now: having a home, a family, and a rewarding life, rather than simply whether or not I’ll survive another semester at school.

For now, I’m going to put my head back down and get to work. This year, although I’m not sure what I’ll do, I’ve cut back on my responsibilities so that I can have more personal time to both write and create software, and that excites me to great ends.

Most of you probably never realized I left, but for the few that weren’t expecting such a quick return I felt that I owed you an explanation. I realize more and more that I am becoming an adult. What that means, I’m not exactly sure, but how it feels — I do know. We’re people drifting in and out of each others’ lives, never sure of where we’ll be next. I want to maintain those relationships and roots I am so fortunate to have, while at the same time pruning those from my life who’ve shown they don’t align with my own perspective.

This is not a goodbye, or a hello. This is merely an announcement of my presence, a check-in if you will, one that indicates I’m growing as a person and trying to best figure out my path in life. Until the next time.